It's Not You, It's Me! by Phillip Fields
No, this is not a reference to the scene from my favorite sitcom from the 90's, Seinfeld, when George Constanza is having his own "Break-Up Technique" used on him.
It's me taking full responsibility for my emotional connections with others.
I place no blame, no responsibility, no liability, no burden, no fault on anyone else for my sense of belonging.
I GET IT! It is my job to find connection for myself.
Feeling connected to other people starts in my soul.
My hopes and desires to feel close to others is something I manage and steward.
So, if I am not feeeeeelingggggg connected then I need to ask myself a question, not blame others for what is not happening.
Growing my friendships starts with a look inside, but the goal is not to find the problem, it is to find the good.
That's right, you heard me -- to find G.O.O.D.
Creating connection begins by me taking a look inside my soul to search for the good inside of me, not poking around for all that needs to be fixed.
In other words, find what's right about me, not what's wrong.
This self-revelation has changed my thinking.
MY BIG AHA!!!
All my life I have been a problem-centered guy.
I have notoriously looked for what was wrong in most situations.
My family, growing up, was all about fault-finding and shaming the guilty party.
Like if you spilled milk, you musta done it on purpose 'cause you're a knucklehead. Sound familiar?
I help people solve their relationship problems for a living.
All of my helping skills have been fine tuned to detect and solve people's struggles.
It's impossible to grow without addressing human weakness.
But, counseling people who are experiencing their worst, has conditioned me to think about the bad.
My quest to overcome wretched childhood pain became a journey to fix everything wrong.
I hated, hated, hated feeling powerless over my soul wounds.
Extreme measures have been taken to find pain relief in my adult life. I went on a witch hunt to get the darkness out of my soul. Again the focus to remove the wrong became dominate motivation for change.
GET REAL-GET FREE
The big block to connection with others is that we fail to see our goodness.
Okay, so maybe you don't have a problem picking out your good qualities.
So, I'm gonna kick it up a notch here and say that...
What we really fail to see our GREATNESS!
We don't see it because, how can we possibly see it when we're staring at what is wrong.
"We become what you behold."
Ever heard that quote? I don't know who said it, but it's so true!
Getting real for me was about taking an exhaustive look at my wrongness.
But that is NOT the way God does it. He addresses our worst by pulling us close with acceptance.
God's agenda is not to rub our noses in our wrong, but to transform us with His love and passion.
Everything wrong with us has been corrected at the cross.
He's not scared of your sin, sins or sinfulness -- He took care of that already.
Now God is hoping for us to take a deep drink of His goodness...His greatness
Living from the well of His love is the hope.
Has anyone ever reacted to your anger with gentleness?
Have you ever experienced kindness when you are acting like a jerk?
Well, maybe you can answer yes to either of those questions. But, it's certainly not your typical, normal reaction.
It changes things when our ugly is faced with real love.
That people, is getting real!
Finding healthy connection with others starts with me. But I am looking for the good I have to offer, not the bad!
Why do many o devoted,