Remember getting into a playground skirmish when you were a kid. Pushing and shoving often led to rolling in the mud trying to rub your buddy's nose in the dirt. Five minutes later you were making mud balls and throwing them at girls. Later that day on the bus ride home you cleared everything up with a simple but real I'M SORRY. The next day your best friends again.
Why can't adults utter those simple words?
We can't say we are sorry because we have too much PRIDE! Pride is another word for EGO. Ego is another word for Self. We are addicted to self-preservation.
We LIE to ourselves claiming to hold onto the truth.
The big lie is that we are strong when we don't apologize.
But We are POWERLESS when we use these EXCUSES:
"I'm not apologizing because I'm right!"
"Winners don't apologize"
"They started it I'm going to finish it"
"I have a right to be angry because you hurt me"
"Let's just pretend it never happened"
"I'm too busy to take time for it"
Apologizing as an adult has not been easy for me. Childhood experiences taught me admitting you were wrong was a sign of weakness. My family didn't say I'm sorry. We pinned the other person down until they screamed "uncle." It was about winning not connection. I felt like I had to hide my pain because it wasn't safe.
WHAT IS THE PAYOFF?
We are expecting to feel strong because we don't apologize. Another way of saying it is, we are in control when we don't admit we are wrong. Control is the goal. But control is an illusion held in place by fear. Eventually you will be imprisoned by fear and when you need to connect with others it will be very difficult.
WHAT IS THE COST?
Remember the last time you tried to apologize and it didn't happen. The words got stuck in your throat as your mind raced about what to say. You walked away from an opportunity to bring life to a relationship. The relationship declines as division grows with time. Now you don't speak to that person and every time you think about them there is a high octane ping in your heart. YOU LOST-THEY LOST-THE WORLD LOST! And the Devil won, ugh!
WHAT IS THE POTENTIAL?
SAYING "I'M SORRY" MAKES YOU POWERFUL. Apologizing and empathizing for the hurt you caused in another person's life makes you like Jesus. His death on the cross was God saying "I'M SORRY" not because he was wrong but because he took the first step to repair the breech with mankind.
SAYING "I'M SORRY" COULD CHANGE THE WORLD.
What if the next time you were cut off in traffic you mouthed "I'm sorry" instead of "You idiot?"
What if you went to that person that hurt you and said, "I'm sorry that things fell apart I forgive you?"
What if that person that you had a political sparring match with you said, "I'm sorry we don't agree but I care about you and your family?"
What if the next time you and your spouse have that argument over nothing that you say "I'm sorry I don't want to fight about something that is less important than our connection?"
SAYING "I'M SORRY" CHANGED MY WORLD.
One day when I was in high school two teachers pulled me out of class. They said we are aware of your dysfunctional situation at home. My government teacher said, "I'm sorry you are having to go through this, we want to help you." That one statement changed my destiny. They made a way for to get out of my crazy home environment and begin a life of
freedom and purpose.
WHO DO YOU NEED TO SAY "I'M SORRY" TO?
We die disconnected behind walls of self-righteousness than