THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR!
IS THIS AS GOOD AS IT GETS?
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!
The confessions of married people who feel like they can't do marriage anymore.
There is more, so much more to marriage than raising kids, splitting chores and having sex.
If one issue derailed your marriage then what did you have to start with?
If all that you have after decades of life together is a list of accomplishments then your missing the most important benefit to marriage.
The biggest blessing marriage offers is a shared meaning; a purpose for marriage.
If you don't have a purpose for your marriage then you are settling for what you can get and what you can avoid. It's all about the getting the feel good and avoiding the undesirable feelings.
You will spend most of your time arguing about who gets what. Your marriage will feel like a competition.
The problem is everyone goes into marriage thinking about what's in it for me!
Think about it. We desperately try to get all of our needs for love met from one person.
We expect our spouses to make us feel happy, important, secure, smart, good-looking, and the list goes on for infinity.
NEWS FLASH: YOUR SPOUSE IS NOT A SUPERHERO! THEY'RE NOT GOD!
The reason we put too much expectation on our spouses is because we don't know how to self sooth. We don't take care of ourselves.
Knowing yourself, your desires, your needs and be willing to bring yourself before God is vital to feeling secure and significant.
Take time to know the difference between your fantasy of what marriage was supposed to be and desires of your heart of what marriage could be.
Fantasy of marriage: too much expectation on my spouse to make me feel secure or important.
Desires of your heart: I want to feel closer to my spouse, I want to enjoy our time together, I want to do things together that serve other people.
Take ownership of your desires. Be vulnerable. Share your heart with your spouse. Initiate the process. Don't project them or blame your spouse for not fulfilling them.
Ask your spouse to answer this question: What is the purpose for our marriage? Pray about it together. Talk about how you want to work together to fulfill that purpose. Look for practical ways to validate your spouse's desires. Speak their language. Love them on purpose.
Finding a shared meaning for your marriage will naturally deepen your connection.